How does one live true to oneself?
For years this thought troubled me. While the concept seems very fascinating, what is the true me? A small town boy who went on to study in the huge metropolis of Delhi in an extremely snobbish and elitist liberal arts college? A young man who went on to study in a large public funded university in North East US amidst a WASP majority? And then in his late 20s came back to settle in a numbing cosmo called Mumbai working in the ultra competitive field of Wealth Management?
Add to the complexities here - born as the son of a Collector. Grew up as a privileged kid amidst the 80s and 90s. Saw the height of powers a man can attain as the son of a Chief Secretary. And how all that power vanishes once the post goes away.
Life is never easy for anyone. Growing up is a process of gradual self discovery. But when one is born in a family with extremity of anything - power, money, fame - The way one thinks about life changes. Throw into the cauldron a deep sense inculcated by elders in family that being self made is what really matters (a typical Kayastha family trait) - and you get a pressure cooker situation.
So for years I was getting cooked in this pressure which after a certain age was entirely self created. Many friends and family members tried to counsel me on how it does not matter - its ok to be content with what one has own life. And while this is to a large extent true - unless we start living a life which is in alignment with the life we have grown up accustomed to - can there be true inner peace?
And so I kept on toiling - and pushing myself - alternating between periods of contentment and dissatisfaction. Till finally I managed to reach a perch where suddenly the vista that opened up for me was what was acceptable to my subconscious mind. Acceptable to the son of an extremely successful IAS officer.
And then all fears and self doubts vanished. I came face to face with my true self! And then I jumped from that narrow perch and liberated myself from the burden of the past.
Free to chart new territories .....create a new self!
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